No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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