either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
