how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
