I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
