Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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