Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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