It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Actions speak louder than pants.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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