Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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