it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
