2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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