Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
