I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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