Where is the hickey?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
