did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
