I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
