I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
