He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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