I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
