Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
