I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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