Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
