yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
