Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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