apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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