I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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