You're my little dorito
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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