I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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