And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
