I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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