I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
