I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
