There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
