I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my shit smells like andre
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
COCAINE IS GR8
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
