2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
