Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
