He told me they were just razor bumps!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
