with your own penis?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
