Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize