its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
