so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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