I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
there was a trapeze. enough said
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
