I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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