My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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