good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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