u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
