I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
