That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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