he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
