Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
