just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
