I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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