Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
