i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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