Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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