Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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