if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
