He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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