you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
