if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
