If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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