I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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