Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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