I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize