Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
