I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
God I need to hump something, right now.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
