you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
