My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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