Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
